MY DICK CAN BE A REAL BASTARD SOMETIMES.
When he takes charge, I’ve been known to do a lot of stupid shit, despite the fact that I have a genius IQ. Case in point: How I met the woman of my dreams.
Now, I’m going to let you in on a little secret: I don’t regret that moment of idiocy one bit. It may have been one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, but you know what they say about first impressions, right? Well, I can guarantee that I made quite the impression that evening. (Don't worry; I’ll tell you all the gory details later.)
Most days, she acts like she hates me—probably because I behave like an ass— but we both know the truth: Rainey O’Neil wants me just as much as I want her—she just doesn’t want to admit it.
Good thing I’ve never been one to back down from a challenge.
*Deal Takers is the second installment in the Dealing with Love world but can be read as a standalone.
BUY LINKS
TEASERS
EXCERPT #1
BRODY
“C’mon dude, work with me here. I swear I’ll be more selective going forward. GO LIMP YOU BASTARD!”
Okay so maybe taking Viagra wasn’t the smartest idea after all. Let me be clear that I don’t need it; I’m a healthy twenty-three-year-old guy. And I’m hung like Justin Bieber, only thicker. Yeah, I saw the pictures online—color me curious. But back to my predicament: My buddy swore the little blue pill is the ultimate sexual enhancer so I decided to partake. I’d like to point out that most guys don’t regularly get the chance to have a horizontal party with two hot sisters and said chance was presented to me on a silver platter. Before you get grossed out, they’re step-sisters so it’s not as weird as it sounds. And did I mention how fucking hot they are? We’re talking Pamela Anderson from the good ol’ Baywatch days. Not current Pam because let’s face it; a Susan Sarandon she is not. I mean seriously, could Suz be any sexier? She’s aged like fine wine—a vintage I’d drink like a motherfucking Slurpee. Great, now I’m thinking about banging hot MILF’s which certainly isn’t helping my boner situation. I’ve always had a thing for older women.
Anyhoo, I’m getting off track again. Where was I? Oh yeah, I’m sitting in the Emergency Room parking lot talking to my painfully hard dick. The commercials warn that you should seek medical attention if your erection lasts more than four hours. Well, here I am, EIGHT hours and TWO ROUNDS with the sisters later, with a fucking hard-on that won’t quit. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear I was being punk’d. Who would’ve ever thought I’d be complaining about my dick staying hard for too long? If you’ve never suffered this cruel fate, let me assure you; it fucking hurts. I think I may have actually broken the poor guy. He’s raw from way too much friction and don’t even get me started on how difficult it was to take a piss.
Think, asshole! Think! I close my eyes and concentrate on some of the most non-erotic things I can think of: Kittens. Grandma Ethel. Munchkinland. Damn it, that last one made me scream like a girl but my spaceship is still ready for liftoff. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise; those creepy high-voiced fuckers are terrifying. TERRIFYING I TELL YOU!
I slam my head back into the seat, take a deep breath, and groan in frustration. I rip the keys out of the ignition and slide out of my truck as carefully as possible. With the front of my shorts tented in the most obvious way possible, I stroll through the automatic doors of North Seattle Memorial and walk up to the lady at the front desk. The look of revulsion on her face as she eyeballs my pocket rocket matches my level of embarrassment.
“May I help you?” she inquires with a side order of stink eye.
“Um…” I nod toward my bulge. “I think I should see a doctor about this.”
Her eyebrows reach her hairline. “What seems to be the problem, sir?”
“My erection-way won’t go own-day,” I whisper in mediocre Pig Latin. “I took some Iagra-vay and I think my ick-day may be oken-bray.”
“I see. So, your chief complaint is that you took some Viagra and you think you may have broken your penis as a result?”
I glare at her. “Lady, do you not know the purpose of Pig Latin?”
I swear to God her lips twitch. “I’m sorry, sir, but the purpose behind Pig Latin is not in the Employee Handbook.”
“Well, it should be,” I mutter.
EXCERPT #2
If you would’ve told me a year ago that I’d be driving to the beach, my Suburban loaded with baby gear, I would’ve said that you were certified batshit. The kid’s not mine, but his stuff is taking up half the cargo area nonetheless. Drew appointed me chauffeur this weekend because I was the only one with a vehicle that could accommodate everything. Not that I’m complaining, mind you. I’d pretty much give my left nut to spend more time with my favorite ginger, even if it’s just driving in the same car. Speaking of the birthday girl, I glance in the rearview and catch her staring at me. Again. She averts her eyes immediately and starts fussing over Drew’s nephew. We’ve been on the road for almost two hours and we’ve done this dance at least a dozen times. I smirk as my eyes roam down to her bouncing tits and I discreetly adjust the semi they’re causing.
“Damn it, Brody!” Rainey shouts as we hit a pothole. “I swear to God you’re doing that on purpose! How many friggin’ potholes can you hit today?”
Okay, I may be aiming for every rut that I can find. Lucky for me, the highway to the beach isn’t maintained very well. Also lucky for me? Rainey’s bra is not all that supportive.
“Why would I do that?”
“Because you exist to drive me crazy?” she suggests.
I laugh as I see her glaring at me in the mirror. “Aw sweetheart, if you’d stop denying how much you want me, I wouldn’t have to resort to playground behavior.”
She rolls her eyes. “You’re an ass.”
“What’s that? You like ass play? I’m game if you are, baby.”
Her cheeks redden. “That’s not what I said, you dick! Why are you such—?”
“Okay, you two,” Devyn interrupts. “Save the bickering for when there isn’t a child in the vicinity.”
Drew laughs. “He’s one-and-a-half. It’s not like he knows what anal is.”
“ANAL IS!” Nathan repeats excitedly.
“DREW!” Devyn yells.
Everyone but Devyn laughs at that one.
EXCERPT #3
Rainey doesn’t notice me exiting the building, so I take a moment to watch her. She left the windows open, so I can clearly hear the beats of Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” blasting from the speakers. Huh…I would’ve definitely pegged her as a pop music junkie. My mouth opens in surprise as I realize that she’s rapping along to the lyrics perfectly. Never one to miss an opportunity to mess with her, I hunch down and round the back of my Suburban like a creeper. Once I reach the driver’s door, I do my best impression of a Jack-in-the-Box, causing her to jump out of her seat.
“Jesus H, Brody!” she shrieks. “You scared the shit out of me. What are you doing?”
“Enjoying the show, Nikki Minaj. Impressive rap skills you have there.”
Her cheeks flush but she’s trying to play it cool. “Ha! I wish! That woman’s ass could rule the world.”
I bark in laughter. “Don’t sell yourself short, darlin’. I’d follow your ass anywhere.”
She scoots over the console and slides into the passenger seat. “You’d follow any ass if it meant you were getting some.”
“Not true,” I argue as I get in. “Not everyone can fill out a pair of jeans like you do.”
She looks down at her denim-clad legs and smirks. “Guys have it so easy. If you only knew how much trouble getting into a pair of jeans can be when you have hips and an ass.”
“Honey, the only thing I care about is getting you out of those jeans. You can get in them any way you want.”
“I walked right into that one, didn’t I?”
“You sure did.”
“Are you ever going to give up?”
“Not likely,” I say with a shrug. “But I get the feeling you don’t mind so much.”
“Maybe not,” she smirks. “You’re certainly good for a laugh.”
“I’m good for multiple orgasms too. You should give that a try.”
EXCERPT #4
RAINEY
“How the hell did you miss that?” Drew yells at the TV. “You have one job, cocksucker! One job! How hard is it to kick a damn ball through the goal post?”
I’m at Devyn’s house for our regular Sunday Funday. If I’m not on shift at the hospital, I’m here, enjoying a day filled with three of my favorite things: football, beer, and pizza.
Devyn’s smiling from ear to ear, jumping up and down. “Yes! Oh, I’m sooooo sorry your team can’t keep up. You owe me twenty bucks, Andrew!” Her face morphs into stern mom mode. “And put a dollar in the jar.”
Sunday hangouts are always fun at the Summers siblings’ abode, but especially when the Seahawks are playing their rival, the Forty-Niners. Devyn and her brother are staunch supporters of opposite teams. The Niners just won in overtime and needless to say, Drew is not happy about it.
Drew mutters something that sounds suspiciously like, “Fucking Niners” as he walks over to the kitchen to deposit a dollar into the big jar on top of the fridge.
“I heard that!” Devyn calls. “Two bucks!”
I’m pretty sure that jar gets more action than my showerhead during a dry spell. Drew and his friends have trouble filtering their four-letter-words around the little three-year-old parrot known as Nathan. When Nate repeated his first bad word, Devyn implemented the swear jar. Everyone who steps into their condo is subjected to it. You curse, you put a dollar in the jar. Devyn must empty that thing out every other week. She says that Uncle Drew is going to single-handedly pay for Nate’s college education. From what I’ve seen, that’s entirely possible.
EXCERPT #5
“Happy Birthday, dear Nathan. Happy Birthday to you.”
As our collective group finishes singing, little Nate attempts to blow out the candles on his cake. I make a mental note to refuse a piece when I see his spittle flying everywhere.
“Good job, sweetie!” Devyn praises.
You’re probably wondering how I got roped into attending a four-year-old’s birthday party. The answer to that is two-fold: one, Uncle Drew would kick my ass if I didn’t show. The second reason is standing right next to me, smelling like fucking peaches, which my dick really seems to like.
“Mommy, I did it! Im’a big boy!” Nathan says with a fist pump.
Okay, my presence may have a little to do with the fact that this kid is fucking adorable.
I lean into my neighbor’s ear so only she can hear me. “So, Rainey. Do you want to duck out of here and get naked?
She swats me away and whispers, “Shut up! Nobody is getting naked!”
“Tell me, how many times did you make yourself come last night while thinking about me?” I prod. “Feel free to give me the recap in explicit detail.”
Rainey digs her nails into my forearm and yanks me to the back of the small crowd. “First of all, you’re a pig. This is probably the least appropriate conversation to have at a toddler’s birthday party.”
I match her whisper when I ask, “And second of all?”
I don’t know why I always goad her. Other than the fact that angry Rainey is wicked hot, that is.
She rolls her eyes. “And second of all, what I do in the privacy of my bedroom is none of your business.”
“What about what happens between you and me in the bedroom?”
“Nothing will ever happen between you and me in the bedroom.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” I counter. “You know chemistry has never been a problem for us and you’re bound to get sick of your battery-operated boyfriend one of these days. And when that happens, I’d be more than happy to take care of you.”
“You’re ridiculous,” she scoffs. “For your information, it keeps me plenty satisfied.”
I smirk. “So, you admit that no one is warming your bed these days?”
“I’m not admitting anything,” she says, a little defensively.
“Besides the fact that you want me, you mean?”
“I do not want you, Brody. The sooner you get that through your thick skull, the better.”
I waggle my eyebrows. “You know what else is thick?”
She shoots me a side glare. “I’m done with this conversation.”
“You keep telling yourself that, honey.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Laura's passion has always been storytelling. She spent most of her life with her nose in a book thinking of alternate endings or continuations to the story. She won her first writing contest at the ripe old age of nine, earning a trip to the state capital to showcase her manuscript. Thankfully for her, those early works will never see the light of day again!
Laura lives in the Pacific Northwest with her wonderful husband, two beautiful children, and three of the most poorly behaved cats in existence. She likes her fruit smoothies filled with rum, her cupboards stocked with Cadbury's chocolate, and her music turned up loud. When she's not writing or watching HGTV, she's reading anything she can get her hands on. She's a sucker for spicy romances, especially those involving vampires, bad boys, or cowboys!
STALKER LINKS
PLAYLIST
T-Shirt – Thomas Rhett
Make Me Like You – Gwen Stefani
NO – Meghan Trainor
My Kind of Crazy – Brantley Gilbert
Want to Want Me – Jason Derulo
Different For Girls–Dierks Bentley, Elle King
Whiskey And You – Josh Halverson
Into You – Ariana Grande
Hey, Soul Sister – Train
Company – Justin Bieber
Dibs – Kelsea Ballerini
You and Tequila – Kenny Chesney
My Eyes – Blake Shelton
Hate That I Love You-Rihanna, Ne-Yo
What The Hell Did I Say – Dierks Bentley
Slow Hands – Niall Horan
Flatliner - Cole Swindell, Dierks Bentley
Black – Dierks Bentley
Making My Way to You – Cole Swindell
My Girl – Dylan Scott
Undo It – Carrie Underwood
How Long – Charlie Puth
Die A Happy Man – Thomas Rhett
Body Like A Back Road – Sam Hunt
Peter Pan – Kelsea Ballerini
Sorry Not Sorry – Demi Lovato
Sexy Dirty Love – Demi Lovato
Singles You Up – Jordan Davis
Happens Like That – Granger Smith
One Number Away – Luke Combs
The Fighter-Keith Urban, Carrie Underwood
In Case You Didn’t Know – Brett Young
Get To You – Michael Ray
Wait – Maroon 5
Go Ahead and Break My Heart – Blake Shelton, Gwen Stefani
End Game – Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran, Future
Meant to Be – Bebe Rexha, Florida Georgia Line
Delicate – Taylor Swift
🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
OMG!! I did it! I popped my Laura Lee Cherry <3 font="" nbsp="">
This book…was the perfect book I needed to read today. From the opening scene…
“I took some Iagra-vay and I think my ick-day may be oken-bray”
It’s from this opening scene, we truly get a grasp for who Brody Harris is. A 24-year-old playboy. One that has no filter and tells everything the way he sees it. He’s a playboy attending graduate school, studying to become a Aerospace Engineer. So not only does he have the playboy moves, he’s pretty darn smart.
Rainey is the nurse from that most memorable visit that Brody made to the local hospital. She’s someone who Brody can’t get out of his head. There are things going on in Rainey’s life that prevent her from taking a bite of the apple known as Brody.
Brody is a tough cookie when it comes to pursuing a gal. When he laid eyes on Rainey, he wanted her. It’s been years now and they are friends. He can’t believe that their friendship has gone on this long without bedding her yet.
The banter between these two is really something! Turning pages as quickly as I could read the words, this book had me hooked. What a great story Laura Lee brought us with this one. I am off to check out her other books!!!
Chris Hemsworth for being the perfect Thor. #HaveYouSeenTheSizeOfHisHammer
Laugh Out Loud and Slap Your Thigh kinda RomCom which had me hooting with laughter at EVERY PAGE! First of all I think Laura is Leroy, hear me out, cause how do you think like a man SO PERFECTLY. It's like she grew D and Balls just for the book! Omg it was so typically authentic Male POV, it was freaky. I come from a family of pompous, cocky men and they all speak and think like Brody Harris !! So on that count....WELL DONE Laura!!
Usually, all I care about is whether they want it hard and dirty or slow and dirty. Reverse cowgirl or doggy-style? Face-sitting or getting licked from behind? I’m sure you get the point.
She has this je ne sais quoi quality about her,she’s the perfect combination of a porn star and the girl-next-door.
Brody is a Man-Child, full of relentless Cockiness and persistent Flirtiness, he's a charmer, smug and cheeky. And he's oh-so-awesome hot. This manslut has a problem one day
“My erection-way won’t go own-day,” I whisper in mediocre Pig Latin. “I took some Iagra-vay and I think my ick-day may be oken-bray.”
So he goes to ER where he meets Rainey, a nurse in scrubs but for him it's spank bank material. She's redhead, beautiful and very much TAKEN girl. Look-Don't Touch kinds ! And men being men would do exactly what they're told not to do, so Brody has a boner for Rainey and she's not interested so he pursues her...over a span of 4 years and 3 months. She's been fooled once so she's ashamed enough not to be fooled again. She's staying far faaaaaaar away from men.
“Hot guys.Cocky guys. Guys that are charming as hell and can easily hook a woman. Guys who like variety —perfectly happy having a new woman in their bed every night. You’re like wild Mustangs—gorgeous creatures that are restless and almost impossible to tame.
Oh btw, hats off to Laura for making the girl older than the boy #GoCougar!!
Some twists and turns later they venture into Friends-With-benefits territory where things get complicated.
I'm not gonna say no more!!
One thing noteworthy to mention here. Laura manages to dangle the carrot just high. The build up of sexual chemistry is constant but not too much so we lose interest and not too little to make it unbelievable, it's just the right amount of time spent on banter and innuendos. The sex which eventually happens is hotter and uncontainable like the current fire in Yosemite Park (bad example, but you get the point). And God bless her kinky, filthy soul cause she gives us the ultimate bombdiggity sex!! there's ANAL!! Wowza, Kazoom Anal!!!💞💋💞
It’s sacred, almost, even when it’s really, really dirty.”
Read the hilarious, witty, slapstick book I finished in one setting !!! And wear your super shamwow panties, better still -Take Them off!😂
4.5 "MP" stars
Laugh Out Loud and Slap Your Thigh kinda RomCom which had me hooting with laughter at EVERY PAGE! First of all I think Laura is Leroy, hear me out, cause how do you think like a man SO PERFECTLY. It's like she grew D and Balls just for the book! Omg it was so typically authentic Male POV, it was freaky. I come from a family of pompous, cocky men and they all speak and think like Brody Harris !! So on that count....WELL DONE Laura!!
Usually, all I care about is whether they want it hard and dirty or slow and dirty. Reverse cowgirl or doggy-style? Face-sitting or getting licked from behind? I’m sure you get the point.
She has this je ne sais quoi quality about her,she’s the perfect combination of a porn star and the girl-next-door.
Brody is a Man-Child, full of relentless Cockiness and persistent Flirtiness, he's a charmer, smug and cheeky. And he's oh-so-awesome hot. This manslut has a problem one day
“My erection-way won’t go own-day,” I whisper in mediocre Pig Latin. “I took some Iagra-vay and I think my ick-day may be oken-bray.”
So he goes to ER where he meets Rainey, a nurse in scrubs but for him it's spank bank material. She's redhead, beautiful and very much TAKEN girl. Look-Don't Touch kinds ! And men being men would do exactly what they're told not to do, so Brody has a boner for Rainey and she's not interested so he pursues her...over a span of 4 years and 3 months. She's been fooled once so she's ashamed enough not to be fooled again. She's staying far faaaaaaar away from men.
“Hot guys.Cocky guys. Guys that are charming as hell and can easily hook a woman. Guys who like variety —perfectly happy having a new woman in their bed every night. You’re like wild Mustangs—gorgeous creatures that are restless and almost impossible to tame.
Oh btw, hats off to Laura for making the girl older than the boy #GoCougar!!
Some twists and turns later they venture into Friends-With-benefits territory where things get complicated.
I'm not gonna say no more!!
One thing noteworthy to mention here. Laura manages to dangle the carrot just high. The build up of sexual chemistry is constant but not too much so we lose interest and not too little to make it unbelievable, it's just the right amount of time spent on banter and innuendos. The sex which eventually happens is hotter and uncontainable like the current fire in Yosemite Park (bad example, but you get the point). And God bless her kinky, filthy soul cause she gives us the ultimate bombdiggity sex!! there's ANAL!! Wowza, Kazoom Anal!!!💞💋💞
It’s sacred, almost, even when it’s really, really dirty.”
Read the hilarious, witty, slapstick book I finished in one setting !!! And wear your super shamwow panties, better still -Take Them off!😂
4.5 "MP" stars
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